To try not to lose my when's

I have always been Charlie Brown.  I've said this before, multiple times I think in my previous blog and in this one, but I feel him slipping away.  I have always naturally had more when's than most people but lately they have all but wiped out by the silent killer that is if.  I always naturally said "When I get married" or "When I go to New York i'll.." or "When things get better..." but somehow all of those when's have been replaced by if.  I know most would say it is just a natural part of growing up and accepting the reality of the world.  When's are just a child's imaginary friend while if's are an adult's reality.  Maybe everyone has a finite amount of when's at birth and I didn't ration mine well and I have run out.  All I know is that I miss knowing that Lucy won't pull the ball away.  I miss knowing that tomorrow is going to be a good day.  I miss Charlie and my when's.